Recursion
by Senza pieta
Summary: Nii-sama. Nii-sama. Nii-sama. Nii-sama. Nii-sama.


It's five hours before sunrise when Mokuba finally begins to panic.

The sky is dark outside the windows of Kaiba Manor. Within its walls, Mokuba's bedroom is equally dark: he has the lights turned off in his room, laptop perched uncomfortably with him in bed so that it rests atop his legs beneath the covers. The heat from the underside of the computer is steadily blistering Mokuba's skin through his pajamas, though it isn't bad enough yet to make him move. A part of him almost relishes the discomfort.

Hiding in the blankets like this is the only way for Mokuba to be sure, that the light from his computer screen won't shine brightly enough to be seen from the hall outside. His bedroom door is locked, but he still doesn't want any trace of activity to be visible, should Nii-sama or anyone else walk by.

Nii-sama is definitely awake at this hour. For all Mokuba knows, Nii-sama could even be home already, working remotely from some corner of the manor where Mokuba wouldn't be able to hear him. Any other night, that might be a comforting thought, but for now it only means Mokuba can't risk leaving his room or turn the lights on. Mokuba can't let Nii-sama find out, that his younger brother is imitating him tonight, still up and desperately trying to finish work in need of getting done.

Nii-sama, of course, would never let himself so far behind as Mokuba has. Mokuba usually doesn't procrastinate, but this time he did, and unlike Nii-sama—who can usually answer directly, when Mokuba asks what he's working on late at night—Mokuba can't bear to admit at all to Nii-sama that he's awake. If that happened, Nii-sama would realize immediately what didn't get done, and what Mokuba still has to finish for the Miami project presentation tomorrow morning. Mokuba is unable to reconcile any justification he could give Nii-sama, as to why he's still not up to date on the outline that he promised. The first round of his team's overseas findings are in, as requested, and Mokuba is supposed to summarize their research in detail for the Kaiba Corporation stakeholders at the start of the work day.

Nii-sama tasked Mokuba months ago with coordinating the employee team in America, and once the legwork was done, he was supposed to collect and analyze their research for important takeaways. Nii-sama let Mokuba handle the responsibility of reading the team's scattered reports, and drawing his own conclusions about the pros and cons of proceeding with development. Mokuba should have been finished well before now—Nii-sama assumes that he is; and, even up to yesterday, Mokuba fully intended to be be.

Nii-sama trusted him to do this, after all. But now, Mokuba only has five hours left before dawn, when Nii-sama usually awakens for work and comes to get him. And Mokuba's barely started.

Frustrated, Mokuba pulls at his wild hair with both hands in a desperate attempt to motivate himself to actually _do something_. He's been trying to concentrate all day, without success, and the day before that as well. But he just doesn't feel like delving into his research and analyzing it the way he normally would. His mind feels distracted, nearly burnt-out, and yet somehow still feverish with stress. It's getting harder to ignore, the inexplicable misery gnawing him up inside, and he desperately wants to think that it's going to stop on its own.

Mokuba hasn't felt much like doing much of anything productive the past few weeks. His work's been slipping, little by little, even on simple things that Nii-sama either hasn't noticed yet or pretended not to. Mokuba hardly ever has problems finding the energy to do his regular work, especially not throwing himself into special cases like this, where Nii-sama delegates work him specifically. But a feeling of upset hit Mokuba's productive mentality and stuck there a little over a month ago, and suddenly, his six-month mark for the Miami project was fast approaching. And he doesn't have his act together at all.

Mokuba doesn't want to think of why it might be happening. He thought at first it could have something to do with the anniversary of his birth father's death, slightly over five weeks ago, which is always a depressing time of year for the Kaiba brothers even if Nii-sama won't admit it. But weeks have passed since then and there's no sign that Mokuba's heavy mindset is disappearing. As it's grown harder and harder for Mokuba to fool Nii-sama into thinking he's still operating effectively as normal, Mokuba's started to dread that the problem can only be attributed to his own familiar faults.

Because it's not the work. It can't be. Mokuba loves working for Kaiba Corporation. Nii-sama knows that, and trusts Mokuba to have both the business expertise and networking reach inside the company to coordinate employees and resources better than anyone else besides him. A couple of months ago, Mokuba would never have believed a project like this could give him any trouble. He's done phenomenal work as Kaiba Corporation Vice President so far, and the presentation isn't inherently difficult.

Mokuba's had days to prepare, even weeks, for some of the data. Nii-sama asked him, _trusted_ him to do this. But, even up to today, all Mokuba can seem to do is sit around in front of his computer and reread the same pages of data over and over again, letting the words and figures pass fleetingly through his thoughts without absorbing them. It's nothing he hasn't done before, which is the really upsetting thing. His sudden mental lapse is just so, unbelievably stupid, arriving out of nowhere after months where he had done fine without any help. Why now?

His mind is wandering again. He tries to remember the pricing chart he read two seconds ago and comes up blank. Mokuba bites painfully into his hand out of frustration, hands restless and wanting to hit something. He hates how lazy he's let himself become. He hates that he can't just go to Nii-sama with his problems, because Nii-sama is the one Mokuba is trying to hide them from. Nii-sama won't willingly depend on someone that's perpetually tired and useless and incapable of even simple things, not even his own brother. Mokuba stares at the laptop screen with dry, itching eyes, struggling to read.

This is so stupid. A waste of time. He could be doing anything else right now. Why won't the stupid _mess_ inside his head just go away on its own? Nii-sama doesn't need help fixing ridiculous problems that only exist in his own head; Nii-sama would face the difficulty head-on. He could soldier through it with only his own inner strength to make it happen. Mokuba should be able to do the same, shouldn't he? He's not a helpless little kid anymore!

...Or is he? Mokuba's thoughts go dark, at memories of Pegasus and the snakes who used to work for Kaiba Corporation. How may kidnappings will it take to make it clear, to Mokuba and to Nii-sama that Mokuba's more liability than he's worth?

Worse, how long will it be before Nii-sama realizes Mokuba has been lying to him?

With a sudden sob of anger, Mokuba slams his laptop shut, pulling up the long sleeves of his pajamas with a ragged snarl and tearing unthinkingly into the skin of his arms with his bitten fingernails. He isn't trying to do anything beyond making his anguish physical instead of emotional, refusing to stop even when the bedsheets begin to spot with blood.

Mokuba _knows_ he has still plenty of time to finish this. He could get it done in two hours if he would just concentrate. Sunrise is long enough for a passable attempt—not enough to impress Nii-sama, but at least to scrape something by for the stakeholders. Yet still Mokuba can't make himself do anything except wallow here in his own selfish misery. He brought this upon himself. He knew this might happen again, eventually, but he didn't predict just how powerless he'd be at fighting it off.

Mokuba has to get his work done. Tomorrow's presentation will be the failure that finally lets Nii-sama know for certain, that his brother's been hiding the truth from him for nearly a year.

All Mokuba wants to do now is give up and go to sleep.


End file.
